Hello Kitty Vader
Okay, so maybe it was PhotoShopped.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Funny Confidentiality Notice (Amend Date: Aug. 01/2006)
EMAIL CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This email correspondence and any attachments may contain confidential and privileged information intended only for the use of the designated recipient(s) listed above. In accordance with the confidential nature of this information, this message and any attachments may contain legal, or other privileged information which may require a security clearance and, therefore, could have negative ramifications as a result of tampering or hacking. If you are not the addressee, or the person responsible for delivering this to the addressee, you are hereby notified that you are neither authorized to review, read, tamper with, encrypt, hack, disseminate, use, distribute, disclose, copy, electronically store, transmit, retransmit, deconstruct, syndicate, remix or otherwise create derivative works from, link to, link from, NOR burn to disk, record, engage in eavesdropping of public reading or performance, otherwise reproduce the work via antiquated or as yet unfounded equipment or media, or take any action regarding the contents of this message. DOING SO IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. If you are not the intended recipient (or have otherwise received this message by mistake), please notify the sender by replying via email IMMEDIATELY. Refusing to do so NOW will be certain to carry certain legal ramifications as proof of Article 7, section 3.19, code 004-7. Destroy all copies of this original message (including attachments) to avoid possible prosecution and/or litigation. Furthermore, if you are the intended recipient of this message, federal, state or other local laws may prohibit you from engaging in unlawful copyright infringement regarding attempts to review, read, disseminate, use, distribute, tamper with, encrypt, hack, transmit, retransmit, disclose, copy, electronically store, deconstruct, syndicate, remix, or otherwise create derivative works from, link to, link from, burn to disk, record, engage in eavesdropping or repetition of public reading or performance, otherwise reproduce the work via antiquated or as yet unfounded equipment or media, or take any action regarding the contents of this message. Use of this email and attachment(s) may not be used for legal purposes, or as evidence, without the prior notification, in writing, of all recipients contained therein, regardless of Fair Use dictates. The recipient(s) acknowledges that email is an inherently unsure format and that these correspondences may not be from the sender listed in the "From:" field. Email as well as blog posts can easily be falsified or otherwise duplicated; therefore, the sender/poster accepts no responsibility for potentially offensive materials that may or may not have been sent to the recipient, regardless of how they are received, nor do we indemnify the unnecessary emotional distress of any recipient, neither psychologically, nor spiritually, nor both or either, nor neither.
Opening this email message implies your agreement with the "Your Agreement Clause" Addendum, located in the 2nd quadrant of this document/posting that you will not use, or encourage others to use, any unauthorized means for the duplication or distribution of this email message or any of its attachment(s), especially regarding sharing via peer-to-peer networks, whether personal or public. Packet sniffers or other devices used to intercept or access communications are disallowed by the author(s) of this message and are considered suspect, by policy of our board of directors, dated Jan. 21, 2006. It is our policy to NEVER allow searches of our persons, or property, personal data or medical information, credit scores, social security numbers, state ID, lack of employment history, nor the inevitable questions of criminal history. Of course, we have a very common name that is sporadically spread across the planet. Therefore, we cannot accept praise, nor fault, for the incorrect data which may have been collected about us. We therefore can neither respect the matter that anything we have written in the past is of consequence, nor legally prosecutorial, whether published or found on seized computer hard drives, despite the methods of data acquisition, in fact, whether this was performed over internet or personal interaction, electronically or in paper format. This Email Confidentiality Notice also applies to any printed, recorded, or digitally published material, or any future form of documentation. Caution: falling asleep during the reading of this material neither indemnifies you nor makes us guilty of perjury or any other form of illicit or illegal activity, whether purposeful or accidental, or with our without forethought. It is your responsibility, not the author’s, to ensure that any material you distribute from this email/blog post does not violate anyone's copyright. Please note: there may be more than one copyright involved in any message - the text, the attachments, and the performance or reading of said material, for example, may each have a separate copyright. You are responsible for getting any necessary permission(s) and paying any necessary licensing fees for the email/post or other material you may choose to reproduce. If you violate these copyright laws, there may be fines or criminal charges brought against you, even if you do not receive any financial or commercial benefit from the illegal copies. Convolution of terminology is not the responsibility of the author, and indemnifies him from all monetary, financial, or other damages. Also, mental and physical disabilities with plenty of documentation will likely be cited as possible reasons for outburst, depression, delusion, psychosis, bulimia, rheumatoid arthritis, and any other disease or medical condition that might otherwise either qualify or disqualify the author for medical insurance, or cause medical history to be marked in any format that can be harmful to the author. OR that might be caused by any of the aforementioned medical conditions, whether spiritually, physically, or medicinally derived. You agree to hold the author harmless from your violation of copyright laws by opening this email or any attachment(s).
You agree, if purchasing any portion of this text or attachment(s), by either credit card or charge card, that you will permanently and irrevocably waive any and all rights to cause a "chargeback" (that is, a disputed, reversed, or contested charge) against this purchase for any reason (whatsoever) against the author or other reseller of this license, effective as soon as you receive registration code(s) from the author, open the envelope containing the program disk or otherwise install or use any attachment(s). You agree that, if you institute such a "chargeback", it constitutes a material violation of this license, and damages the author in ways impossible to calculate, and with long-term adverse effects to the author. You also recognize that this is a copyrighted performance art piece and that distributing it is illegal within 50 yards of a school, within the bathroom, or in a court of law. Doing so will mean acceptance of financial responsibilities listed below. Therefore, you agree to pay, and author agrees to accept in compromise, for each chargeback you may issue or directly or indirectly cause to be issued against the author, the amount of EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS ($8,000.00) to the author (or the party selling you this license), as liquidated damages and not as a penalty, or even for the distribution of this email/blog post. Opening this email does not constitute a violation of any agreement whether agreed upon or scorned; we will inevitably pursue recompense from your kin and/or birthright. We will not be responsible for cost incurred from any damages which will inevitably result, nor do we agree to financial recompense as a result of these said occurrences. You expressly confess, in the event of such a "chargeback", that such chargeback constitutes fraud and, as well, agree you have committed such a fraud. If necessary, you will agree to pay all costs incurred by the author, or the seller of this license, in collecting these amounts.
The author reserves the right, at any time and from time to time, to update, revise, supplement, and otherwise modify this Agreement and to impose new or additional rules, policies, terms, or conditions on your use of the email or attachment(s) being distributed. Such updates, revisions, supplements, modifications, and additional rules, policies, terms, and conditions (collectively referred to in this Agreement as "Additional Terms") will be effective immediately and incorporated into this Agreement forthwith. Your continued reading of any portion of this email will be deemed to constitute your acceptance of any and all such Additional Terms. All Additional Terms are hereby incorporated into this Agreement by this reference.
Furthermore, please ensure you have adequate virus protection before you open or detach any documents from this email message, or read this blog post, or listen to it being read to you. Neither the author nor the corporate entity/company that employs the author is responsible for failure to abide by these restrictions. You are not entitled to any damages, including but not limited to consequential damages, resulting from the reading or opening of this email message or any of its attachments, even if doing so would void or augment any warranty established by your computer manufacturer. The author shall not, at any time, be held liable for any special, direct, indirect or consequential damages, whether in an action of contract, negligence, or other action arising from or in connection with the use or performance of any attached materials. Nothing herein should be construed as constituting any kind of warranty. Should the author be found at fault for any damage, it will only be for the maximum extent allowed by applicable law, even if any remedy fails of its essential purpose. You acknowledge and agree that in order to protect the integrity of certain third-party content, the author and/or his licensors may provide for software security-related updates that will be automatically downloaded and be installed on, or to, your computer. Such security related updates may impair the software (and any other software on your computer which specifically depends on the software) including disabling your ability to copy and/or play "secure" or copyrighted content, i.e. content protected by Digital Rights Management (D.R.M.)
The author reserves the right to modify, amend or control exportation of this message and attachment(s) without further notice at any time. Opinions expressed herein are those of the author, solely, and should not be attributed to any past or present employers or clients, unless mandated and expressed directly from the corporate entity which currently employs the author. These writings are provided "AS IS", with no warranties, nor do they confer any rights. The material and information provided in this email is for general information and should not, in any respect, be relied on as professional legal or medical advice. No content in this email is "read and approved" by any governing body prior to distribution. Although quality is sought, the author makes no claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained herein, attached, or linked to or from this email correspondence. Reader's comments and replies shall hold no precedence over the origination of this email or this confidentiality notice. It should be recognized that responses reflect those of the individual performing the reply and that those authors' opinions do not infer my personal endorsement of any of their views. The author reserves the right to remove all replies. Furthermore, email sent in reply to this email may be reproduced and or quoted, unless the sender specifically requests otherwise. You, however, may not, without the prior consent, via written approval from the author, disclose to any third party the contents of this email message or any attachment(s). All email, blog posts, Instant Messages (IM – including any attachments may be retained by the author for archival or analytical purposes. Note: archival of information does not construe consent to search or seize by law enforcement personnel, or other agencies, without the prior written consent of the author.
Thank you.
Noir, 2006
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