Review: Far Cry 2 (XBox 360)

Wow, I've never seen such a beautiful game marred by sluggish controls and generally bad gameplay.

You play as a mercenary in an African country on the brink of civil unrest. Your mission: find the person arming both sides in the conflict--aka The Jackal--and eliminate him.

Ubisoft went out of their way to give Far Cry 2 a lush landscape, full of captivating imagery, a massive, open gameworld, and incredible audio. Problem is: it's a hot mess.

First of all, the gameplay is frustrating. Ubisoft pulled out all the stops and wanted to give us a massive gaming world to play through. Unfortunately, this is what gets in the way of enjoying the campaign! You are given missions that are usually on the other side of the map. And the map is huge, mind you. We're talking miles. Each mission seems to relish in sending us on a 5-10 minute trek just to get to the mission! And that's not the most irksome part! There are armed guards and patrols that come at you relentlessly. So by the time you actually get to the mission, you may be running low on ammo, and/or injured and low on health packs. And there is no way to simply jump around to the next mission. Yes, there is a bus you can take to four other points on the map, but those points are usually just as far, since they're positioned near the four corners of the map! Who's the idiot who came up with that concept? Fire him or her at once. For even clearing a guard station will not aid you next time you need to cross that path because the armed guards simply respawn over time. Ack.

Fun, Quick Gunplay? NO.
We are given several character choices at the start. Refreshing. But there's no real relevance regarding who you choose because this is a first person shooter anyway. In other words, you won't see yourself, so who cares who you choose? Cool, yes. Required? No. Important in the game? No. Big waste of time? Yes.

And despite the spoiler, I'm gonna tell you anyway: you start the game with malaria. So all the cool things you would like to do will cause you to die, like oh, running and jumping. I swear, this is becoming more and more like a bad relationship. Far Cry 2 is like being able to date a supermodel who never lets you touch her. Beautiful, sophisticated, but a little shallow and ultimately frustrating.

There are a number of side missions you can choose to pursue, along with missions you are forced to perform in order to acquire medicine. Because if you run out of malaria pills, you're likely to drop dead in the middle of a firefight. So hey, if you don't want to pursue those missions, you're free not to. But how much fun will you have when you're dropping dead in the middle of a mission? In other words, these are forced missions, veiled as not. Yeah, there's a beautiful open world to play in here, but having malaria is like being put on a short leash. Or like being forced to stay in your hotel room during your vacation, with diarrhea, on beach day.

There are some excellent points in the game, like being able to sneak up on someone with a machete (a gloriously missed opportunity to throw in some cinematic murder cutscenes ala Manhunt). Alas, no. We're left with a largely unwieldy mess that often times doesn't drop an opponent and leaves them calling their buddies for help. Other times, it seems like you've dropped someone with a tap that wouldn't hassle a fly.

Several times I was sent on missions to eliminate certain individuals in a no-gun zone. I used my machete. And suddenly half the town starts shooting at me! Even though no one witnessed the killing. It's just unfair and unpolished.

Throw in some cliche monkey bullshit diamond case collecting and I'm about to chuck this one out the DVD Drive.

But it's so pretty. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like a love affair with low-grade Crystal Meth. You know it sucks. You know it's rotten. But you're chasing the dragon.And for what? Another diamond case with its huge solitary diamond that inches you closer to being able to buy an AK-47. Though everyone knows a diamond that big would buy you the entire country in a heartbeat. Just 6 more cases to locate via GPS until I can buy an AK! Bullshit.

Audio is something rarely noticed in gaming. A good soundtrack stands out. A bad soundtrack stands out like a sore thumb. I usually turn off the game music and stream my own tunes via my computer. This proved a challenge in this game, however. Boat engine noise would drown out anything I was listening to while I traveled downriver to my next distant mission. At other times, that same music would be too loud. Ugh. And there are no sound effect settings. So while characters converse in whispers, bullets and explosions are overbearing. And nothing sounds right. People who are fifty feet away sound like they're having a conversation right next to you. The sounds of the jungle seem to convincingly harbor wild animals stampeding beside you in the brush, but when you look they're farther than you can throw a football pass. The sound in this game is simply atrocious.

Driving is tedious. And looking at a map while driving doesn't seem to be a good option. For some reason, a gentle nudge with the right thumbstick would make me crane my neck as if I were having a stroke. Nothing some simple QA couldn't fix. It's a shame the game was shipped this way.

Everything else seems adequate. I am left feeling like Far Cry 2 dropped the ball miserably. I didn't even bother with the multiplayer. Simply because I could already tell the controls would be too frustrating. Aiming shouldn't be a chore in a video game. And when sending me on missions that span through 20 miles of jungle filled with omniscient guards, I'm sick and tired of it after the 4th mission or so. Nevermind the other 20.

I was left feeling like this was a game that could have just never been made. There was no real innovation here. The controls sucked, and ultimately, all this does is showcase Ubisoft's ability to make a pretty-looking jungle.

Sifted: 6.5 out of 10

Game Review: Infinite Undiscovery (XBox 360)

I truly thought this latest release from Square Enix, featuring seamless realtime battles, would be the end-all and be-all for the Japanese RPG. Looking at images from the trailers, I was amazed at just how much artistic endeavor must have gone into creating this. And the game is truly beautiful.

The main flaw this game has is control-related. Maybe they needed this to go through QA again? Certainly, there was no one in development to advocate for the player, because the control scheme is so clunky that there's no way anyone will enjoy playing this game beyond a couple of hours. And I suspect that wasn't what the developers intended, since the game comes on two discs.

The concept is that by using these newfangled tactics there will be an infinite world of discovery available to achieve victory. My problem was that there were so many things one could do that it diminished the value of the game. Rather than simply allowing the player to switch between characters, we are expected to perform Connected tactics and basically request our fellow characters to perform certain tasks. Unfortunately, the characters we're supposed to connect with are a bunch of idiots. Example: At one point, to open up another level, I need to attract two different types of animals to a gate where they will basically be used as keys. To attract these animals, I need to have one of my fellow characters cast a sort of charm that will allow me to command them toward me. The charm eventually wears off, meaning I need to cast the charm multiple times. But when I request the secondary character to cast the charm, he's busy playing with his belly button hair, so the animal crawls back to where it came from. Over and over, again. Another example: while storming a castle and being pelted with boulders by an ogre on a precipice, I try to use the archer character to shoot the ogre down. The aiming is so terrible that I end up wasting three shots to hit the ogre once. These shots are dependent on magic points, so I am eventually left without enough points to take another shot. My ballistas uselessly rest on the battle field, taking boulders until they crumble. There's no way I can see to move them, or to actually AIM them at the castle door, which is what they're supposed to be shooting at, right? My character is immediately stoned to death. Considering there are "infinite" ways to win, I really didn't see even one.

The other problem has to do with the age-old lack of direction. The maps are fairly nice to look at, but they give you no direction on where you're supposed to go. I had to enter the graveyard a second time because the map did not indicate a destination for me. I simply thought I had gotten to the end. So I made my way back toward town, spent a good 15 minutes going there, only to find I hadn't completed the quest, so I had to go back, only to discover the monsters I had killed the first time were BACK!!!

At another time, I ended up traipsing through a forest I didn't even need to enter, spending 20 minutes going down that path, just to come to a dead end. I then backtracked, only to find an obscure hole in the wall I could go through to go in the correct direction.

These problems with the game are not a FEATURE. They are a bug. There was nothing enjoyable about wasting a good 45 minutes of my life wandering down wrong paths.

Throw in an infinite number of enemies, without the ability to pause the game and use items or check maps and the little "realtime" feature starts to grate on your nerves.

It was ultimately more enjoyable to just play something else, and that's pretty sad. Thankfully, it was a rental.

Sifted: 5/10 - I give it 5 points for the beauty of the game. I take away 5 for the gameplay/controls.

Review: GRID (XBOX 360)

Okay, so I'm a Racing game fan. I admit it. I enjoy both simulation and arcade racing games. The idea of playing a game that does BOTH well has always been an ideal for me. Unfortunately, GRID fails miserably to achieve that grand desire.

I will begin by saying I didn't play the game in its entirety. That's because I won't waste my time on trash. What I did play was wrong on so many levels that I can't bother to bring myself to pick up the controller again.

Whatever you do, don't buy this game; fortunately for me, I Gameflied it and will be returning it promptly.

The menus are reminiscent of Project Gotham Racing 3 (PGR3), with similar fonts and menu structures. This was comforting for me, even though I'm not a huge PGR fan. The familiarity induced feelings of intuitiveness that set me at ease. I figured this would be a good racing game right off the bat.

Total controller customization is another great feature that belongs in every good game. I was surprised to see I could assign any button to any feature I desired. More games need controls like this. Some gamers are older or differently-abled, so being able to setup your own control scheme is a definite plus.

All of my feelings of joy were dashed, however, after my very first race.

Let me say that the graphics in Grid are splendid and lush and the camera is exceptionally good at following your car and positioning itself at just the right moment to make cornering enjoyable, rather than an exercise in prayer. Having said that, the camera does get a bit jumpy if you corner and error (e.g. hit a wall or other car), which happens often in any racing game worth its salt. This jumpiness, however, wasn't enough to make the game awful.

Sadly, random glitchiness and stoppages totally ruin the racing experience. Hopefully, Codemasters will fix this in future updates. Otherwise, it's a game breaker for me and most people who enjoy good racing games. In this day and age of decent Q&A, games shouldn't be released with this type of bugginess.

Cars handle like butter on a hot pan, slipping and sliding all over the track. Is this adjustable via car customization? NO! What is this, Grand Turismo? Or just about every other good racing game that's out there right now? Nope, this is Grid. And you're supposed to just accept that Porsche that slides all over the road like a greased piglet at a county fair slipping through your fingers. Drive assists are somewhat of a misnomer. Even though I turned them all on, it made my driving experience only mildly better.

Spinouts are legendary. The instant your tire goes off the road, you can expect to do an almost perfect donut that will move you from first place to last. And while the crashes and car damage feel great, this overindulgent physic totally destroys any semblance of a good racing game so as to make it unplayable. Once you get tapped a few times resulting in total spinouts, you will dismiss this game for good.

Pair this problem with aggressive AI and it's a recipe for disaster. See, if you try to run an opposing driver off the road, you will fail. More than likely, your own car will spin out, defying physics so drastically that you'll want to throw your controller through the screen. After this happens half a dozen times, you will lose all faith in this game. For Grid tries to mimic the driving and crash physics of a simulation game, while straddling the joy of arcade speed. And it just can't do it, I'm afraid.

There is an annoying Replay option called Flashback. I don't understand how it's supposed to work. The controls for it are cryptic and unintuitive. And I didn't get a manual with my copy of Grid, since I Gameflied it, nor do I think any great game should need a manual. If the game itself cannot explain how to use its features, it's an epic fail right out of the gate. As for a racing game that allows Flashback, I don't think that's the point of a racing game. In true racing, there are no do-overs in the middle of a race. That's just plain cheating! It defies the very nature of a racing game and totally trashes the experience.

Grid has a difficulty level that needs some serious adjustment. If you're new to racing games, this is no place to start. Even on the easy settings, races are challenging for seasoned racers. Difficulty ramps up way too quickly for the average gamer to keep up or enjoy. Experienced racers will be unenthusiastic about how easy it is to spin out and lose winning races. In other words, this game misses the mark for pretty much everybody.

See, this is a great game that has been ruined by some overindulgent physics and asshole AI. When one spinout is race-ending, you're left feeling that this game really sucks.

Sifted: 7/10

7 for good graphics, camera work and menus. Unfortunately, this could have been a 9 or even 10 rating if the crash physics and AI were better.

Linksys WGA600N - Epic Trouble

I bought this router because I wanted to speed up my Xbox 360 Live playing of one of my favorite games - Call of Duty 4.

It has several problems:

1. To install, you need to call Technical Support. The installation disk is completely useless. You may as well shoot yourself in the head if you expect it to work outside of the box.

2. Every operator I've spoken with at Linksys was probably born in Asia. This is not a bad thing, but expect some heavy accents and peculiarly spotty connections when you call them. Also, they don't seem to pay much attention to your actual problem. Expect to be on hold for random periods of between 5 and 15 minutes while the Technician reads manga or the Bollywood Informer. Plan on being on hold 2-7 times.

3. There is no such thing as Plug and Play when it comes to things like this. You will submit.

4. Once you get it hooked up, it will probably fail the XBox Live Network Tests. Not to worry, for some reason, it will sign you in just fine. Gameplay is vastly improved, but good luck having Tech Support get your Network Tests to work. It will fail DNS. It will fail MTU. It will fail ICMP. There will be no explanation as to why. This simply is.

5. Linksys will tell you to call Xbox, which will tell you to call Linksys. Linksys will tell you to call Xbox again. 15% of the time, Linksys will tell you to call D-link (your router company). D-link will tell you Linksys is high. Linksys will tell you they teabagged D-Link's girlfriend. Xbox will snicker wickedly in the corner.

5. If you want it to connect in the N signal (which is way faster than the typical G signal), good luck, you snivelling moron. You will submit to playing in the G signal. Submit ... bitch! Submit!

6. You will gain a level in Networking & Communications, making you a 9th level War Driver with a + 3 laptop and a magic Headset of Achiness.

Finishing Moves Def Jam Icon Missed

It's simple enough to look at a game and see what's good about it, but on a recent gaming session with Def Jam: Icon, I found myself wondering what was missing, and why.

• Why can't I pull my opponents jewelry right off his neck? I mean, if you're giving your adversary a major whoop-ass, shouldn't you be able to diss a bitch by ripping off his tin?
• Why can't I pull my shirt off and flex? I should be able to lift my arms and flaunt my armpit deodorant, ala LL Cool J on MTV's Unplugged.
• Why can't a hard punch knock somebody's grill straight out they mouf?
• Shouldn't I have a dance of victory after I'm done rollin' somebody?
• No homies to have my back? Even my boo ain't there to cheer me on?
  
• If you can beat me to a bloody pulp, why doesn't that ruin my fly gear? Why don't that shit spill on the floor? Cuz I'm bad-ass, that's why.
  
• If I can attack somebody with the sound coming out the stereo speakers, why can't I cause them to have a burst eardrum, or something novel like making them pee or puke themselves?
• No weapons?
• Rap without gunfights is like Disneyland without Goofy.
• What, no nappy-headed hos or stripper sluts to cheer me on after I lay the smackdown?
  

Isn't it a little bizarre that a fighting game can be made so sanitized and just plain boring? I mean, I can beat somebody until they're literally black and blue, but I can't have my character smoke a blizzle with my adversary after we're done with our fisticuffs? Talk about boring. I'm surprised the cops didn't show up to break up all these stupid confrontations. Clearly, that's what's needed in Def Jam: Icon II. Puhleeze.

Don't hate. Just keepin' it real.

Game Review: Star Trek Legacy (Xbox 360)

I'm not that geeky! Sheesh!

To get the full review, you need to go over to Slashdot (i.e. NerdSpace).

[Star Trek Legacy Review]

Game: Viva Pinata (Xbox 360)

The most overlooked game of 2006?

[Viva Pinata review on GameSetWatch]

Game: Flatout 2 (XBox)

Now, before you go and get all excited, the only reason I'm reviewing this game is because I happened across an old notebook in which I had written down a number of notes. My XBox is still broken, so I won't be reviewing games for that console anytime soon (after this, anyway).

Flatout 2 was released by Vivendi earlier this year (August 1st, 2006). It features fun, arcade style derby racing.

So much fun with physics has never been had before (unless you played Half-Life 2), at least not in any racing game. You can play a number of mini games in which you crash and send your driver flying erratically through the air. This is fun the first few times, but quickly grows tiresome. Speaking of which, you would think the cars would handle better, considering so much focus was put on the physics. Cars seem a bit unresponsive and there is a definite disproportion of weight given to some objects. For example, a lightpole will cause your car to run off the road, but you can drive through a water tank with ease.

The soundtrack to this game will make you wish you could take a power drill to a molar. Yes, it's that bad. Good, old-fashioned, American Butt Rock has its place: in this case, in the local trailer park. Think: Blink 182 wannabes downloaded off MySpace and you'll understand. To be fair, it is an interesting contrast from better games, which typically feature way too much rap and techno. But bad Rockabilly has its place, and when you're trying to concentrate on the road, you'll soon discover the soundtrack is sort of a bizarre obstacle to your focus.

Speaking of bizarre obstacles, the environment is almost completely destructable, with open-ended race tracks that allow for multiple routes. That's the good part. The bad part is that the game is confused about goals, much like a teenager with $50 in his pocket. The game awards high-damage crashes, but you still need to win races to advance your ride. I suppose this makes for more fun gaming in groups, since losers can decide to resort to crash-up derby tactics to rack up points. The stunts are goofy and somewhat difficult to master. A combination of timing and button-mashing are required to make it work. I'm no fan of button-mashing games, especially when I'm expecting my game to be about racing. Hey, someone got their button-mashing in my racing game! Seriously, this is tough for someone who is dexterity-challenged.

The audience for this title seems to be younger kids (teens) with presumably low racing skill. People who might be amused by crashing and dirty racing. Most people who are into simulation racing games will turn up their nose at this title. This simply hasn't been made for racing afficionados. And there are even better arcade games in this same genre: can anyone say Burnout 3?

Graphics are actually better than one might expect, though I'm not sure if that was because I was playing with an XBox or not. I am curious about how this renders on a PS2.The setup is familiar, with the Career Mode and the Arcade-style quick races. Car customization is minimal. There is plenty of tuning capability, but you can't change simple things like the color! Ugh.

Personally, I wouldn't buy this title. I happened to rent it and stopped playing it after a couple of days. The Soundtrack was simply that annoying and this really isn't a racing game at all, but more of a crash-'em-up kookfest. Teenagers will love it. Adult gamers will think it's obnoxious.

Sifted: 4/10

My XBox is Broken!

For the second time, my XBox has decided to defy me. Around 18 months after buying it, games started getting glitchy and freezing up on me. If I rented a newer game, the chance of it working was minimal. I cleaned the drive and checked all the connections; still, I was plagued by the nuisance that was unpredictable stops in gameplay. I did some research and discovered the problem stemmed from a cheap hardware issue. To put it simply, the disc drives in some consoles have a tendency to break. I wasn't the only person experiencing this problem, or the burden of an expired warranty. What bothered me most was how quickly it broke. I hadn't even put in 1000 hours of gaming, and already my disc drive was crapping out on me.

I went through all the pains of locating an ebay seller who could provide me with a new drive. I waited the week it took to deliver the item, then I went through the hassle of installing the drive (pretty simple, but annoying). Around this time, my fiancé was kind and loving enough to gift me with a PlayStation 2. That meant I had two consoles to play, and that I could divide the workload between them, respectively.

Now, it's been about 18 months, and my XBox is petering out, once again. Same problem. Games freeze up and die in the midst of my button-mashing madness, causing me to toss my controllers and break them too.

I expect hardware issues in consoles that have to clock my manic gameplay. Nevertheless, it's frustrating and, eventually, detrimental to the entire line of XBox games. Before, when I had the option, I would buy an XBox game before a PS2 game. Faster load times, better graphics, and the ability to play my own soundtracks kept me coming back to the XBox again and again. My PS2 was like an ugly stepchild, only getting attention from me when there were rentals to be played that were only available on its console.

Now things have changed. I am handicapped in a sense, and only able to review PS2 games until I get this resolved. What this means is Sony ends up getting my money by default. I am not a Sony fan. I tend to think they are more evil than Microsoft. Still, I have never had any hardware issues with my PS2 (crossing fingers). Not that playing on the PS2 is a bad thing. With releases like Bully and Okami, I have a few months of gameplay before me. While the XBox has pretty much abandoned its old console in favor of producing XBox 360 titles, the PS2 seems to be making a final full-court press.

I'm not sure which I want to get first: an Xbox 360 or a PS3. Way back, when I got my Xbox first, I remember cursing myself for buying a console that was second to market. The games were often painfully weak in comparison to the PS2's stellar releases. I told myself that next time around I would buy the first console to make it to market. I convinced myself that the state of the games themselves would make the decision for me the next time the opportunity rose to get another console.

I had a chance to get a 360 recently, but I had second thoughts. Would I be investing in shoddy hardware by buying the console relatively early? I mean, it hasn't even been out a year yet. And there have been several reports of problems with the hardware, yet again. None of this makes me want to shell out $400 for a new system. And frankly, $400 is the only option available. I wouldn't spend $300 for the hobbled version. It wouldn't even be fun, having to deal with load times, memory cards, and all that lameness that comes with not having an onboard hard drive.

So, for the time being, it's down to PS2 and PC game reviews. Sorry.

Maybe I can dream that some Microsoft exec will read my stellar game reviews and decide to send me a shiny new Xbox 360? Not that it would sway my judgement, one way or the other. Crap media and crap hardware will always be exposed on this site; it's a personal crusade. So maybe it would be a bad idea for Microsoft to send me a 360, after all. Because I wouldn't pull any punches, and I suspect the 360 is a punching bag just waiting to happen.