Break Dancing Prodigy!

Impressive! If this kid can dance like this now, I wonder how good he'll be when he actually develops some real coordination!

Mazda Concept Car

Here's an incredible concept car from Mazda. My only question: how do you get in?

Video: Iraqi Boys Race for Water

New Tech Poised to Change the World

Much has been discussed about the nature of plagiarism lately. The simple task of running text through one of Google's sites can find several incidences of copied or sampled works. Already, several authors have been forced to eat crow as their book deals have fallen into shambles and their future careers been made suspect. Now, it would seem, this technology is starting to troll through history as well. Soon, we can expect to see at least one major writer dethroned for lifting his/her work from someone less prominent. How this will affect the canon has yet to be seen, but things aren't looking good.

Another tech, announced just recently, trolls through old videos and reads lips of people who may or may not be on the microphone. This tech, ALR (Automatic Lip Reading), has recently been used on several old Hitler videos. This is likely to bring an entirely new focus to the window of celebrity, opening secrets that were long thought dead.

I have long suspected a technology would soon emerge that would reveal lies being told on video. Something as simple as an in-depth analysis of miniscule changes in pupil dilations would be all that would be required. Sooner or later, someone will program a technology that will read the slightest change in pupil size and surmise the probability of truth or deception. The eyes don't lie so well. It would definitely make reviewing Barbara Walter's interviews very interesting.

Ann Coulter Was a Tranny All Along

WTF?!?!?


Ann Coulter had y'all tricked! No, it's FOR REAL.

Forever, the word Coultered shall hold a double meaning.

Okay, so it was all a hoax.... Har de har har on me.

Campbell's Soup to Release Warhol Cans

According to Jamie, over on Supertouch, Campbell's will be releasing a limited-edition run of cans in the traditional Warhol colors.

Now those are definite collector's items that can double as art themselves.

Drugs = The fall of the Euro

Drugs are causing the Euro to crumble. According to the BBC, meth is the likely culprit in the destruction of the currency.

Apparently, Strip club visits have only caused minor fading.

Cat + Dog = Cog?

Because it truly is the end of the world--Mimi had puppies.

No. I'm sorry. I'm sure they aren't hers. Those puppies are clearly black, while she's ... salt and pepper.

Hm. Maybe daddy needs to have a look at the blood test....

Sweet Deer Ass

Because dead deer ass is not a crime.

Those lawyers' salaries, however, should be.

Gaydar

So let me get this straight: when the country goes all gay flag we're supposed to kiss our asses goodbye?

What is this, some jacked up way to equate gays with Global Warming?

Huh?

Huh?

[click the map to go to the U.S. Severe Weather Map]

VS. Battle: iPod vs. Zune

VS.



Honestly, who cares? They both play music; they both play videos; they're both priced stupidly. The only person who benefits from this is the consumer, so good for us.

Honestly, all this does is make it an even more open playing field for someone else to step in and blow all the competition away. We've seen this kind of product warfare in the form of gaming consoles. Frankly, one-party systems are broken and in need of reform (as proven by our recent election). Something needed to step up and keep the iPod from slipping into redundancy. Fortunately, most systems can't even function for long as dualities. It will be interesting to see who is the third party to come to the table with a product that's even more outrageous.

If I had to put my $250 somewhere, I would put it on the Zune, just because it's the new kid on the block and needs to be successful to launch an inevitable MP3 arms race.

Winner: Zune

Strip Club Mapper (NSFW)

Finally, something useful!

[Strip Club Maps]

Gee, ya think maybe Portland has a strip club shortage?

Word Suicide Letter Wizard

When you care enough to make your last farewell presentable.

If you're going to leave an exquisite corpse, you must leave an elegant letter as well.

[The Word Suicide Letter Wizard]

Machu Picchu Photo 1.5 Gigapixel

Stunning zoomable photo of Machu Picchu. Here are some flowers I saw in the pic. I'll bet you can't find them.

Kid Scooter

Am I the only one who thinks toys like these are a bad idea? The Razor Pocket Mod Bistro Scooter is available at Toys R Us for a mere $150. Features:

• Can go up to 10 miles on a single charge.
• Can reach speeds up to 15 MPH (incidentally, that kid isn't wearing the proper helmet for a motorized vehicle).
  
• Carrying capacity of up to 220 lbs.

I'm all for giving kids mobility, but let's face it--kids don't have driver's licenses! Not to mention, children are fat enough as it is. Why on earth would you want to encourage their laziness by giving them one of these instead of a normal bicycle?

When your kid gets flattened by a Hummer, don't come crying to the rest of us.

Are You Tone Deaf?

Test your musical recognition. I scored a 92%, which means I actually can clap my hands to the beat.

10 Cars That Should be Remade Today

To put it simply, car manufacturers need to wake up. Especially American car makers. Detroit continues to slip in the ratings. Unbeknownst to them, this has little to do with the quality of the cars they are producing. After all, most people these days don't keep their cars for more than 5 years anyway. Why would quality be a factor to such a fickle market?

Lately, most people buy cars for the coolness factor, as well as to satisfy their need to reminisce. Good design is what sells cars today. On that note, here are several cars that manufacturers should be focusing on. Because if the reintroduction of the VW Bug and the Mini Cooper are any indication, there are several models that have attained an archetypal status with the consumer. These cars, for whatever reason, hit a mark with buyers. People like them. And the quicker these cars are remade, the more succesful the car makers will be.


10. Toyota MR2 (80's model)
Who knows what fueled the success of the 80's MR2's. They were not especially fast. What they did do was capture a certain post-modern flavor that people liked. The angular body and the pop-up headlights were charming. This car looked fast on a budget. The rear engine was a nifty novelty that survives well into today with their slightly larger Spyder model. The compact nature of this car made for fun driving. With today's safety features, it would be a certain hit.

9. Jaguar E-Type
On the higher end, but a definite remake candidate for the same reason as the MR2. It was fun to drive. And nothing seemed to exude style as much as the Jaguar. Since the US now owns this brand, it would be wise for them to can the Oldsmobile-looking thing and roll an updated version of this out for all those new Wall Street high-rollers.


8. Citroen DS
Perhaps no car on this list screams to be remade as loudly as the Citroen DS. This car drips class. With today's safety features, the Citroen could be the new American family car. Just look at the comfortable interior with that enormous, panoramic view. Who wouldn't enjoy a roadtrip in a car like this?

7. BMW 2002
Yet another masterpiece of engineering. The BMW 2002 was the most affordable BMW around. As such, it functioned as a gateway to the higher end models. Is there anything being produced by BMW that fits this function today? What made the BMW 2002 so great was a solid, quality interior. The simplicity of the engine is well-renowned to this very day. Remake it, dammit!


6. The Honda Civic (1977)
Nothing could tear into the youth market better than an ultra-mini vehicle like this. With today's tech, a car like this could be made that got 70+ MPG. So where is it? Spare us the bright plastic and aerodynamic shell of the modern Civics. This is what we really want! Only more modern.


5. VW Bus
Do some people not learn from their success? VW, perhaps moreso than any other car maker, seems to understand the zeitgeist of car making. After all, this is the company that has given us the Bug and is currently rewrapping the Golf in shiny new metal for our consumption. But this all really begs the question: why haven't they remade the BUS? Sure, there might be safety issues, but with today's modern airbag systems, this car is begging to be remade for a new generation that has lost touch with the smell of patchouli. Just think of what you could do to this car with some tinted glass and 20" dub wheels.


4. Pontiac Trans Am
Because every man in his 30's wants to relive Smokey and the Bandit. There is no car that oozes cool moreso than the 1977 Trans Am. I don't know what drugs the people at Pontiac are on, but they clearly need to dump the ugly G series and get back in touch with the 70's. note: okay, so the Solstice is hot; don't let it go to your heads.

3. Honda CRX
Why ruin a good thing? The Honda CRX got killer gas mileage and it was zippy as all get out. Whoever decided to kill this model should have been given the hara-kiri treatment. Not only would CRX's make great tuner cars, they would appeal to students who want cooler alternatives than their parent's hand-me-down minivans. The CRX is a truly hot car that is begging to be brought back from the dead to reclaim its place in the pimp pantheon.

2. DeLorean DMC 12
Too bad DeLorean had that coke problem in the 80's. But if his "issue" was the inspiration behind the DMC 12, I forgive him. Because there has clearly not been a car made since that is this far ahead of its time. There was a reason it played center stage in all those Back to the Future movies: because it looks like it should have been made today, not back in the 80's. Gull-wing doors, aluminum stainless steel exterior, this car should be remade just to show it can be done even better with today's technology. In fact, I dare you to try!

1. Toyota Supra (Mark IV) 1993-2002
Who knows when Toyota lost their minds and decided to abandon this great vehicle to leave behind the crappy, gutless Celica. Ever since, however, tuner fanboys have been pining for the glory days of the Supra. Rightfully so. The turbo version of this car could do 180 MPH with all stock parts! This car is one of the most popular tuner cars available. For under $1000 US, the stock horsepower could be cranked up from 320 to 500+. If anyone ever offers to sell you one, snatch it up real quick like, as they are rare. Toyota stopped producing these in the US in 1998 and cut off production in Japan in 2002.

These are just a few of my personal favorites. Do you have any? Let me know in the comments.


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Santorum Loses

What a great photo. Why do I have a feeling that teenage boy is going to grow up to be a serial killer?

Seasoned Ammo

I'm sure dead chefs are turning over in their grave. Shoot your bird and season it instantly with season shot. Too bad it doesn't cook the pray on contact!

Republicans blame election losses on Democrats

Only the Onion could say it so poignantly.

This pretty much sums it up

Fascinating Link Between Bush and Satanism

Over on Metafilter, someone has posted some damning information that may link GW to one of history's most notorious occultists, Aleister Crowley. This explains everything.

Video: Freedom

A friend sent me a link to this great video. Don't forget to vote today, if you haven't already mailed in your absentee ballot!

Gruesome Adidas Design

These are some ugly-ass fashion-challenged Adidas. T-Mac VI Allstar Colorway series.

From Kix Files.

For the discriminating baller. And preppy clowns.

I'm seriously disappointed in Adidas. I've always had a preference for their cutting-edge design, but this is just ... awkward.

Nike Polka Dot Hoodies

I wonder if little kids had to hand-paint each dot on these in some Shanghai sweat factory?

Seriously, these look pretty cool.

Seen on Hypebeast.com.

Game: Flatout 2 (XBox)

Now, before you go and get all excited, the only reason I'm reviewing this game is because I happened across an old notebook in which I had written down a number of notes. My XBox is still broken, so I won't be reviewing games for that console anytime soon (after this, anyway).

Flatout 2 was released by Vivendi earlier this year (August 1st, 2006). It features fun, arcade style derby racing.

So much fun with physics has never been had before (unless you played Half-Life 2), at least not in any racing game. You can play a number of mini games in which you crash and send your driver flying erratically through the air. This is fun the first few times, but quickly grows tiresome. Speaking of which, you would think the cars would handle better, considering so much focus was put on the physics. Cars seem a bit unresponsive and there is a definite disproportion of weight given to some objects. For example, a lightpole will cause your car to run off the road, but you can drive through a water tank with ease.

The soundtrack to this game will make you wish you could take a power drill to a molar. Yes, it's that bad. Good, old-fashioned, American Butt Rock has its place: in this case, in the local trailer park. Think: Blink 182 wannabes downloaded off MySpace and you'll understand. To be fair, it is an interesting contrast from better games, which typically feature way too much rap and techno. But bad Rockabilly has its place, and when you're trying to concentrate on the road, you'll soon discover the soundtrack is sort of a bizarre obstacle to your focus.

Speaking of bizarre obstacles, the environment is almost completely destructable, with open-ended race tracks that allow for multiple routes. That's the good part. The bad part is that the game is confused about goals, much like a teenager with $50 in his pocket. The game awards high-damage crashes, but you still need to win races to advance your ride. I suppose this makes for more fun gaming in groups, since losers can decide to resort to crash-up derby tactics to rack up points. The stunts are goofy and somewhat difficult to master. A combination of timing and button-mashing are required to make it work. I'm no fan of button-mashing games, especially when I'm expecting my game to be about racing. Hey, someone got their button-mashing in my racing game! Seriously, this is tough for someone who is dexterity-challenged.

The audience for this title seems to be younger kids (teens) with presumably low racing skill. People who might be amused by crashing and dirty racing. Most people who are into simulation racing games will turn up their nose at this title. This simply hasn't been made for racing afficionados. And there are even better arcade games in this same genre: can anyone say Burnout 3?

Graphics are actually better than one might expect, though I'm not sure if that was because I was playing with an XBox or not. I am curious about how this renders on a PS2.The setup is familiar, with the Career Mode and the Arcade-style quick races. Car customization is minimal. There is plenty of tuning capability, but you can't change simple things like the color! Ugh.

Personally, I wouldn't buy this title. I happened to rent it and stopped playing it after a couple of days. The Soundtrack was simply that annoying and this really isn't a racing game at all, but more of a crash-'em-up kookfest. Teenagers will love it. Adult gamers will think it's obnoxious.

Sifted: 4/10

Video: My Vote for Costume of the Year

Click above to see the video.

And yes, it's probably much better than what we'll see from Michael Bay's movie next year!

Beijing Traffic

The funny thing is: there are no traffic lights in this intersection. It's a wonder anyone gets anywhere!

Clear Rims

When you're just too cool to even bother with bling anymore.

Game: Need For Speed: Most Wanted (PS2)

I have a love of racing games that could best be described as obsessive compulsive. I have favorites in each category of racing. Yes, there are more than one.

There are the simulation racing games, which try to make the driving experience as close to the real thing as possible (think Gran Turismo, or Forza Motorsports); then, there are arcade racers, which are far more interested in creating the illusion of speed (Midnight Club); there are rally racers (Colin McRae) and Sport Racers (Nascar, Grand Prix Challenge) the genre I like to call the Crash racer (Burnout, or Flatout), where your goal is actually to demolish your car or other objects; there are even the futuristic racers, or anti-grav racers (a personal favorite).

This brings me to the latest in a long line of arcade racing games I have briskly enjoyed and inevitably retired after a few short months of feverish play. Need For Speed: Most Wanted (PS2 - because my XBox is still broken). Now, I love the Need For Speed series. Don't get me wrong. When it comes to furious, arcade-style racing, with an excellent illusion of breakneck speed, it's really difficult to beat. This particular release, however, is nowhere near the masterpieces that were its recent predecessors.

Graphics have taken a step down, it would seem. Buildings look painfully 2-dimensional, even compared to the recent Need For Speed: Underground series. The illusion of speed has been reduced to comic-like draft effects that hang off the back of your car in the form of a few simple lines. And lastly, the views seem to be less effective. When it comes to racing games, being able to see the road and oncoming obstacles is key, but I found myself constantly having my view of the road obscured by the car itself! A shift in camera would have gone a long way to improving this game tenfold. Oh, but the maps have drastically improved, actually making it possible to know where you're going! That's a plus.

Another kudo: the actual video cutscenes are well-done, with decent acting. The marriage between games and films seem to be happening faster in Racing games, for some reason (SRS actually included cutscenes featuring unlockable girls). I don't know why the porn industry hasn't figured this out yet, because merging with a gaming company would revolutionize their product. Imagine a game where your goal would be to seduce different people, culminating in unlockable film clips. Astonishing.

Gameplay is fair. The controls seem more jumpy and the racing seems to have taken on a more arcade feel, ala the Burnout series. The problem here is that crashes have no effect on car performance (even head-on collisions leave nothing but scratches and a few measly dents). I know, it's an arcade racer, but there's simply nothing intriguing about accelerating the entire way through a race without having to worry about the outcome of a wreck. In addition to this peculiar oversight by the developers is the inclusion of cop cars and annoying police chases. It's not enough that they're present, but now they actually have become part of the gameplay! In order to increase your reputation, you have to engage and evade the cops (time and again). This, of course, gets old after the third time, if you're easily entertained, like I can be. Lower levels are way too easy, while the higher levels are too difficult. I could swear the game was cheating when a slight smack against a wall sent my car reeling. The AI is punishingly gamed. You can cause a semi to wreck and lose its payload, yet cars on your trail will not be slowed at all. You can walk away from the game, come back, and still catch up to your competition on the final lap. I'm sorry, but that just sucks.

Sound effects are solid, but the soundtrack is weak. Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition and the Remix version have Need For Speed beat when it comes to music.

What made the Need for Speed franchise stand out from the rest was the ability to customize your car beyond belief. You could trick out your Hyundai until it actually looked fast. Imagine that. Indeed, that was one of the major parts of the fun of this game. But now, every other game out there is doing it too, and some are even doing it just as well (Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition).

Need For Speed: Most Wanted seems like it's trying to straddle the fence between arcade and simulation and doing a poor job at both. Car customization was what made NFS such a good game to begin with. And while cop car chases make for interesting races, they shouldn't be part and parcel to a game of this calibre. It's like a copout on their quest to be innovative. In a world that's now oversaturated with racing games, Need For Speed needs to churn out something better or run the risk of being left behind.

Sifted: 6/10

Movie: 2001 Maniacs (2005)

Last night I decided to watch a bad horror movie. Because it's the Halloween season, I happen to have several B-flicks lingering on my DVR right now. Bad movies, like Thralls (recently aired on Spike TV) and Dracula III: Legacy. Whether or not I'll ever watch them is moot, really. I keep them there as comfort, sort of like a chubby person keeps ice cream in the freezer. And yes, I have three different flavors in there right now ... waiting.

Showtime was featuring this movie, 2001 Maniacs. It's about a group of college students who are travelling to Florida for Spring Break. On the way, they get detoured into a remote town in Georgia, where they are welcomed as the guests of honor to a celebration. Unbeknownst to them, they'll be attending an annual barbecue ... as the main course.

Every Southern stereotype is here: the southern gentleman courter; the guy who has a romantic relationship with a sheep; the lesbian kissing-cousins; the town slut; the ultra-violent, animal-torturing teenager.

Stereotypes in this film were so pervasive, in fact, that I felt a little uncomfortable and even offended. And I'm no Southerner, by any means. But like a witness to a horrible freeway accident, I couldn't take my eyes off it!

The students represented a diverse cross-section of liberal demographics. There was the freaky, interracial couple; the gay guy; the promiscuous college girl; the nerdy virgin; and the wannabe jock. Each of them are, in turn, set upon by the town folk in one horrid way or another.

This flick featured: a girl getting drawn and quartered (yes, that kind of drawn and quartered, by horses); a girl getting the southern belle treatment (upside the head); a smashing performance by someone getting cold pressed to death; a sexually suggestive skewering; death by acidic moonshine; razor-sharp horseshoes being tossed at human remains; a barbed-wire beheading; secret maggots; and yes, the always enjoyable death by fellatio.

The performances were subpar, (except maybe for Robert Englund, who is always spectacularly macabre) but I couldn't help thinking a new psycho family has been brought into the fold of horror films. This movie is a cult classic and will certainly have a sequel.

Even today, there's that annoying song playing in my head: "The South's gonna rise again! Yeehaw!"

Sifted: 6/10

Brilliant Pac Man Graphic

This is too funny!

De-God Your Money

Here's an idea you can use to make your money godless. Considering how money is the root of all evil, why is God's name even on it to begin with?