Battle of the Dorks: American Idol Winner is...

Jordin Sparks.

Tonight was more than mildly entertaining.

First off, Kelly Clarkson should stick to gowns, not wear halter-tops and low-rise hip-huggers that showcase her muffin top. Jenny Craig or cocaine. Pick one.

Jordin Sparks won, as it should be. The girl has pipes, and considering she's only 17, I expect we'll be seeing a lot of her. She's so endearing and annoying at the same time, kind of like a younger sister.

What seemed peculiar about the show was how Britney Spears was a no-show. God knows, we watched the entire show in dire expectation that she would make a puke-worthy performance "grand" appearance.

Speaking of "grand appearances," what was up with that Slick Rick Dougie Fresh/Blake joint? That was actually noteworthy and left us wondering: WHY THE HELL DIDN'T HE DO THAT LAST NIGHT?!?!?

We're pissed off because the show ran long and our DVR ended a full 5 minutes before they announced the winner. WTF? That's just not cool, FOX. Think of the millions of people who came home to watch your bogus show only to be disappointed by your lack of premature congratulations. End on time, dammit!