Game: Gauntlet (PS2)

I can't begin to tell you how much of my childhood was wasted in the local Malibu Sport's Center feeding this videogame. Were I enterprising, I could have probably paid for tapdancing lessons and become this generation's answer to Gregory Hines. But alas, I chose the dark path of strung out gamer junkies and derelict underground arcades.

When this game first appeared at the local video store, I was a little wary, knowing there was no way a modern knock off could withstand the original power and ambition this game originally possessed. I vividly remember dreaming as that ghoulish voice chortled "Red Elf Needs Food!"

Anyway, I finally decided to give the modern version a try. Sure, it's pretty, it's up-t0-date, it's fast and modernized. It stays true to the classic. But that's where my love affair ends.

See, the game isn't the problem anymore. I am.

I've learned over the years to truly enjoy gaming. It's a part of who I am. I enjoy solving intricate puzzles; I love the skills required to time something perfectly; hell, I even like resorting to the occasional button-mashing marathon to pull out the win.

But that's the problem: this game fails to peak my interests anymore. Sure, back when I was 11, this game was fun. It was challenging to kill, and kill, and kill somemore, as your hero inevitably became overwhelmed by ghouls and goblins. The modern version of this game hasn't changed that old methodology of gaming at all, so much as it's draped it in modern 3d graphics. But new duds do not a great game make.

One major problem is something I'll call Masher Creep. That's the annoying tendency of developers to create games with new levels of complexity and difficulty. No longer does it suffice to press one or two buttons to achieve a desired affect (Yes, that means you, oh jerky developers of Mortal Kombat). Now, you have to twist your fingers into pretzels just to make a dude jump!

The average age of gamers is 30+. Anyone who remembers the original Gauntlet is certainly around that age. For someone who is old and decrepit and suffering from the beginnings of arthritis, having to press more than one or two buttons at most is simply irritating (not to mention stress-inducing). It doesn't add to gameplay when you have to make your fingers do the Macarena to be succesful. The best games out there have simple controls. There are about 12 buttons that can be used on a typical PS2 controller, so why do I have to resort to pressing two of them in some arcane sequence to make something happen? Get with the program, people!

I suspect Gauntlet would be fun in a group environment, maybe at a party. But for a lone gamer like myself, It became boring (not to mention a bit challenging--even on the Easy level!) 30 minutes into my session. If you're the type who enjoys playing with (or against) friends, this might be a bit more exciting for you. For me, Gauntlet was merely a passing, wistful attempt to recapture my idiotic youth. I wonder if I can learn to tapdance by playing DDR?

Sifted: 6 nah, more like 4/10