Game Review: Tony Hawk: Project 8 (PS2)

First off, they should have titled this game:

Usability Disaster Skating: Punishment 8

I haven't really been into the Tony Hawk franchise of games since, oh, ... college; (I won't date myself by telling you how long ago that was--or the versions of the games I played, for that matter).

Suffice it to say, Neversoft has finally ridden this franchise into an ugly nosedive, ala skateboarding on gravel. It's difficult to say why. Some might say the original audience for the game has mostly outgrown skateboarding. Others could say there are better games being produced these days. Still others would say the franchise has become too difficult to enjoy. I would agree with all those assessments. And to those I would add that the development of this game must have been done without players in mind.

I picked this game up, thinking I would be skateboarding again soon, with a low re-education or re-training time. After all, I had been a decent video game skater back in the day. I should be able to pick it up fairly quickly, ... right?

Thank god I only rented it.

The goal here is to raise your ranking from #200 and get into the top eight. You will, of course, need to hunt down secret tokens, grind many pools, and perform mini-missions to climb the rankings. If you finish enough challenges, you'll be placed in the elite Project 8. If you can get there without smashing your controllers against a wall first, good luck.

Gameplay
The main failure of Tony Hawk is that gameplay has eroded to the size of Nicole Richie's wrists. I haven't skateboarded in years, so I decided to go through the Tutorial portion of the game. Certain elements were simple and straightforward enough. For instance, if you press the X Button, you go forward. Now stay with me. If you release the X button, you "Ollie", or jump. Okay. Simple enough.

Soon I realize I need to press a number of other buttons in various sequences to perform a certain trick while in the air. Not just one button press, mind you, but several, in very quick succession.

Very quickly, Tony Hawk's tutoring becomes a form of very sadistic finger torture.

I was taught I could do a "Manual" trick, that is, a trick on the board while standing relatively still. And this is where the game starts losing all of its charm for me. I finally realize I'm going to be punished, oh so horribly, from here on out. Damn you, Tony Hawk ... damn you.

See, when you perform a "Manual" trick, you go into some weird mode where you need to use the left thumbstick with really quick and subtle movements to maintain your balance. That's not a big deal. But then I'm told I need to press certain buttons AT THE SAME TIME. I'm sorry, I only have two thumbs. Apparently I can't move them fast enough.

The biggest problem with gameplay in Tony Hawk is usability. You will need to learn an entirely new finger language to play this game well. This is challenging, for most people, me included. And I'm fairly dexterous, considering my age. Frankly, I'm not ready to commit to an entirely new pattern set just to ride a video game Skateboard.

While I would prefer a Universal Finger Pattern that could be applied to all games, I also support a call to game developers to provide players with open-ended, configurable control schemes. Let us choose which buttons to push to perform certain tricks. That allows for infinitely more interesting gameplay and even personal styles of skating between players. Clearly, Tony Hawk needs to implement better Role Playing Game elements. I mean, if you're going to make a player choose his skater, and clothes, why not give him the option to choose his skating style as well?

Which brings us to graphics.

Graphics (or 3 Ugly Mugs)

What year is this? 2007, you say? Coulda fooled me with this game. From the start of the Career, we're asked to choose between three skaters. A Skinny White Boy Punk, a pudgy Kid, or a Black dude in baggy clothes. I didn't see any Asians, Hispanic, or female faces. Maybe they don't skate?

Choosing one of those 3 archetypal figures, I'm then allowed to choose between three additional faces. In other words, I can be black (with one of three available faces--oh, apparently one of them is lighter complected, maybe Puerto Rican), a child (with 3 other faces), or a white dude (with three more faces). Why they didn't just give me 9 characters to choose from at the start is perplexing, but maybe there's some hidden mystery here?

Nah, it's just plain stupid design.

There doesn't seem to be any skill difference between any of these characters. No visible advantage to picking one skater over another. I pick one. Simple enough. I deck him out in some typical skater gear and I'm off to Training.

Once I got out of training, having abandoned the notion of ever learning how to properly "Grind, Wally, Grind, Sticker Slap," I started the Career. From the start, you're placed in a very confined gaming space, where you're expected to perform a succession of tricks, all while travelling very fast. This was just too much of a test for me. I'm afraid I'm not commited to learning "Tony Hawkian" on my controller.

There's not much to be said about the AI. You're not really racing opponents in this game, so much as performing tricks and "ollies" over obstacles. See, the multiplayer is nowhere to be found on this version. Sure, you can play split-screen with a buddy, but don't even think about getting some online action going.

Physics are somewhat baffling. I found it more difficult to balance my player in the game than I would have on an actual skateboard! When your player loses his balance, he falls, HARD. So hard he spurts out blood. Unfortunately, this results in having to wait about two seconds while some off screen phantom hurls you a new skateboard so you can re-crack your noggin.

Audio
Sound is adequate. The music is appropriate, but somewhat lame. It's not a racing game, so I don't expect hardcore techno or hip-hop, but I do expect something more upbeat. Maybe some good punk music to go with your punk skater dude. But I specifically recall the music delving a bit into the late-night, after-hours, chill-out room ambiance. Definitely boring for boarding.
Sound effects were okay, but there didn't seem to be much background noise, just the sound of your board screeching over pavement. Kinda boring.

Utilities
Menus were simple to understand. There wasn't much commotion involved with getting around in the game itself.

Problems

• A failure in the gameplay usability department. Too many technical requirements to have an enjoyable skating experience. High learning curve without much payoff.
• Lame level design that will leave you asking why you've been locked in a large skatepark that looks like the suburbs.
  
• What's the point? Whoopee, I pulled a Goofy 180, Vert Ollie, Manual Grind, Wallie, Sticker Slap!
• Fleecing America's youth one last time? For shame, Tony, for shame.

Conclusion
This game sucks. I hope you didn't spend your Christmas money on it. If you enjoy a certain amount of punishment, rent it and flog away.

Sifted: 5/10