Video: UFC Fight

Okay, this one takes the cake. I happen to love Ultimate Fighting, so when I saw this video I nearly broke my clavicle from laughing so hard.

Website: Picnik

The best online photo editing website I have ever seen. The only flaw I can see with its incredibly simple interface is the way it sometimes overlaps the Firefox toolbar. Not sure if it does in on IE, but it's easy to back out of it by just clicking the logout button.

If you're looking for a simple way to edit digital photos, this is simply one of the very best free tools I've ever seen.

[Picnik]

Have a Baby, Lose All Your Appendages!

Messed up! This lady went to an Orlando hospital to have a baby and she ended up an amputee. She asked the hospital why and they refuse to give her an answer. Um, I don't think this is what the government had in mind when they decided to pass the HEPA laws.

[Lady Has Baby, Loses a Few Appendages]

Someone Put Paula Abdul in Rehab!

Watching tonight's episode of American Idol was on the verge of painful. Paula Abdul was obviously high as a kite as she twitched about nervously, often gave awful advice, and all-around embarrassed herself and the other judges. She was so cracked out, in fact, that she supposedly had to leave the show half way through to return to LA because she was running low on her stash of "family problems."

Someone truly needs to do something about this.
Her behavior has gotten out of hand.
Do it for the children, dammit!

Cure for Cancer Found, But No One Seems to Care

Apparently, the cure for cancer was discovered last week, but the media is too busy worrying about Hillary's run for the White House. No profit from the discovery means pharmaceutical companies will be unlikely to develop this much-needed cure. Time to whip out the big guns and ask for Bill Gates or Oprah to fund this for humanity.

[Cure for Cancer]

Bohemian Rhapsody on Classical Guitar

Simply astonishing.

Vindication for the Dixie Chicks?

Here's an interesting site pointing out that the Republican Party was responsible for leading the recent boycott against the Dixie Chicks.

The question should now be: haven't these girls earned the right to tell all the morons "I told you so?" Each of their naysayers should be forced to buy a Dixie Chicks album (1 for every one they burned at the hootenanny) and listen to them on 11, as far as we're concerned.

Personally, we would never listen to the Dixie Chicks. Not because of their progressive politics (of course), but because Country Music sucks since the days of Garth Brooks.

Video: Kitty Washing Machine

Wow. This so flirts with crossing the line into animal abuse. And the background music makes it even more disturbing.

Hilarious Toilet Commercial

Here's a hilarious commercial for a ... toilet.

The 20 Greatest Guitar Solos Ever

Here's a site featuring the 20 best guitar solos ever, with links to videos!

Extreme Wheelchair Tricks

Because sometimes being paraplegic just isn't enough....

The Moonwalk Superstar

O wow, this is hilarious.

[The Moonwalk Superstar]

Portland Drivers....

During the "Blizzard of 2007." Sigh....

Movie Review: Idiocracy (2006)

I don't know where to start with this one.

Idiocracy was directed by Mike Judge (who also directed Office Space).

Watching Idiocracy makes you feel kind of dirty. As if you've just watched 84 minutes of America's Funniest Home Videos, Cops, and Jackass, all rolled into one (without the guilt trip). If you see this movie, you will also easily recognize the irony in that last statement.

Idiocracy is about an average military guy, played by Luke Wilson--who happens to be perfect at delivering the dead-pan lines that are called for in this rather witty script. He discovers he's been included in a military experiment because of his average-ness, along with a prostitute (played by Maya Rudolph of Saturday Night Live fame). The two are put into a kind of suspended animation, then forgotten about for several hundred years. When they are finally resuscitated, it's a hilarious, dystopian future where the stupid people have out-bred the smart ones. Now, the morons live in a failed civilization that's on the verge of crumbling. Soon, the two learn they are the smartest people on earth; and it's not long before they're on the run from a society that doesn't appreciate their intelligence.

I admit, I enjoyed the wry sense of humor in this film. The in-jokes are plentiful and range from vulgar to politically incorrect, without ruining the subtle intelligence that lies beneath.

Unfortunately, this film is straight-up racist. It's not bigoted in a racist, philosophical, heavy-handed way, but it's more subtle and lighthearted in its racism. See, in the future, everyone speaks a sort of street speech, a combination of ebonics and gangster slang. There are plenty of minorities in this future world as well (including the President, a former Pro Wrestler), virtually ensuring viewers draw the connection between minorities and low IQ. Mike Judge seems to be forewarning me against myself and it just doesn't seem to work for me. Nevertheless, there is plenty of social commentary here, aside from race, that makes this film a must-view. Some people are saying this film is more controversial than Borat; having not yet seen Borat, I can't say. But I can vouch for the fact that Idiocracy is a smart movie that's getting off on telling its viewers that they're stupid, stupid, stupid.

If anything, my only complaint about this film is that it relied too heavily on stereotypes to crack jokes. Also, the narrator's commentary was a little annoying and unnecessary and would have made for a much stronger, more serious film, had it been removed. Talk about the ultimate in-joke: Mike Judge is calling us all idiots by having to explain the plot to us via a narrator. Clever.

By the end, it all grew a bit tiresome; but it was definitely fun while it lasted.

Sifted: 8.5/10

TV: Ninja Warrior (G4)

I have enjoyed this show since I first discovered it on G4 last Summer. Each cycle consists of 100 competitors trying to get through 3 stages. Most don't make it past the 1st stage. Hilarity often ensues as the amateurs attempt to get through the first stage, often times taking horrible spills in the process. Only a handful of hardcore enthusiasts have trained (yes, trained) hard enough to make it to the third stage. I lost interest in this show after watching two cycles and seeing that no one could win.

Now it appears someone has finally won. As far as I know, this is only the 2nd person to ever win the challenge in several years of running on Japanese television.

Paula Abdul is TRIPPIN!!!

Check out this interview of Paula Abdul. Methinks somebody needs to take a little vacation to Shady Lanes....

<--- Paula's drug of choice. Not...

[Paula Abdul Interview on YouTube]

Can't Afford Stainless Steel Appliances?

Disgusted by your boring kitchen filled with white appliances? Why not just paint them over with liquid stainless steel?

It looks real enough; provided you buy decent-looking appliances to begin with.

Only $139 for enough paint to cover your fridge.

[Curbly | Jonesing for Stainless]

Free Banksy Prints

Mad props to Agenda Inc. for posting this awesome news: Banksy now has an online gallery where you can download images for FREE.

For those who don't know, Banksy is probably the greatest artist of our generation. He heralds the remix culture, with tremendous wit, cynicism, and sadness.
Note: He even suggests using the glossy paper on the company printer to make some excellent copies for yourself.

<--- Graffiti on the wall in Israel. Poetic. [Banksy: Shop]

Website: Citebite

Here's a very useful blogging tool. Instead of linking to random websites, use Citebite to link directly to a quote on a webpage and highlight it.

[Citebite]

Game Review: Star Trek Legacy (Xbox 360)

I'm not that geeky! Sheesh!

To get the full review, you need to go over to Slashdot (i.e. NerdSpace).

[Star Trek Legacy Review]

Big Pic of North Portland Fred Meyer

I Just came across this photo on the internet and thought it was very cool. I know those columns in the soda pop aisle quite intimately. I've even named them: Mofo (on the north side) and Biznatch (further in, near the Squirt and the Prune juice). Considering how often I'm there, I'm surprised I'm not in the picture! Click the link below to have a look at the complete photo. Patience, it might take a minute to download. Pic to the right features a capture of Mofo, my arch nemesis.

[North Portland Fred Meyer pic]

VS. Battle: HD-DVD VS. Blu-Ray

VS.

---

There have been a number of arguments on both sides regarding the better format for Hi-Definition DVDs. Finally, it appears a winner is emerging.

For the most part, these formats are fairly identical, with little difference that's of much consequence to the consumer. Access seems to be the determining factor in this battle, since most homes are late at acquiring the latest technology. Not only are the players scarce at retail stores, they're also considerably more expensive than typical DVD players, which have become ubiquitous in their newfound cheapness. While you can buy an old-school DVD player for anywhere from $30-$120, the new Hi-Def players tend to cost anywhere from $300-$600+. It could be that most consumers don't fully understand the advantages of either technology, so the war of the formats could very well come down to customer training--the first to show consumers the value, capabilities, and need for the new players will take the prize. It's obvious to project that the Christmas gift of 2007 is going to be the Hi-Def player. By then, prices will have come down enough to warrant entry for average adopters, and the winner of the DVD format wars will hopefully have vanquished the competition. But which of these should all you vidiots buy now?

HD DVD

Things have not been looking good for the HD DVD format. Smaller storage, little support from the movie and video game industries, and inferior playback resolution seemed to mean this format was doomed to failure. But things have lately taken a turn for the better.

Pros:

• HD DVDs are less expensive. The players themselves are much cheaper than Blu-ray players, which often run in the $600+ range. In contrast, Toshiba sells an HD DVD model for a mere $349. Easy access may, in fact, be the determining factor that establishes the HD DVD format.
• HD DVD manufacturing is easier and less expensive than Blu-ray's BD-ROM.
• Sold as add-ons with the Microsoft XBox 360, HD-DVD players are quickly becoming the first format to be adopted by the masses. 1 million people own XBoxes already. The numbers aren't available for how many of these have purchased the HD DVD player, but at $199, it's obviously the easier format to adopt by the majority. Furthermore, the XBox is appearing to be a superior gaming console to the PS3 for several reasons, including value (XBox is drastically cheaper than PS3) , XBox Live, and higher rendering capabilities. Also, having a disconnected HD-DVD player is better than having an integrated disc drive. When your HD-DVD player ceases to function, you can just buy another one, not have to shell out more money for a replacement XBox.
• The knock out punch: Porn distributors are leaning toward the HD DVD format; Sony is repeating the major mistake it made with the Betamax by making things difficult to implement for the porn industry. Indeed, this could be the deal breaker that forces Blu-ray into the ground, once and for all. Never underestimate the power of porn!
  

Cons:

• Smaller capacity. 30 GB of storage on a dual-layer disc, vs. 50 GB for a dual-layer Blu-ray disc. Single layer discs are half of that space for each format.
• HD DVD’s upper resolution limit is currently 1080i. Although an upgrade to 1080p output is expected in the near future, you would need a 1080p-capable television to take advantage of this feature anyway. Also, resolution difference between the 1080i and 1080p output are difficult to notice, unless you're some sort of TV resolution geek.
  

Blu-ray

Blu-ray has quietly been making inroads and gathering a posse that could easily rival both Crips and Bloods in a bloody LA turf war.

Pros:
According to the Sony website, Blu-ray has the following advantages:

• 1080p Progressive Scan - The highest resolution available in a consumer setting.
• Superior sound - Uncompressed, up to 7.1 Surround Sound capability.
• Enhanced Interactivity - Better navigation without interrupting your program.
• Maximum verstility - Apparently, you can use Blu-Ray for more than movies. Movies, games, software, and data can be used with Blu-Ray as well. Though I have no idea why most people would need it.
  
• Unmatched capacity - More than 50GB of information on each dual-layer disc. That equals 9 hours of HD viewing, or 23 hours of standard definition video. This is a distinct advantage over HD-DVD. But most movies don't run 9 hours anyway, so it's really not as important as one might be led to believe.
  

Additional goods:

• Blu-Ray is integrated in the PS3. If you shell out the cash for a PS3, you have instant access to Sony's huge library of Hi-Def DVDs.
• The Blu-Ray seems to be favored by both video game developers and a majority of the movie studios. Of course, higher cost of production means higher profits for them as well, hence their interest in the better format.
  

Cons:

• Blu-Ray is integrated in the PS3. If the drive breaks, good luck finding a replacement for your PS3. Also, sales for the PS3 have been an enormous flop, furthering the difficulty in getting this technology in the hands of the masses. At $499 for the entry console, you might want to consider the less expensive option--namely, to buy a $349 Toshiba brand HD DVD player. The poor sales of the horrendously overpriced PS3 are causing widespread industry panic that will no doubt hurt Sony for a long time to come. If it were plausible to break out the Blu-ray drive and make it an add-on, the way Microsoft had done with the XBox, it would be to their distinct advantage.
  
• Blu-ray discs are more expensive because of their inherently greater capabilities.
• Costly production facilities must be modified or replaced to produce the discs.
• A Blu-ray player usually costs $600+. Sony's own BDP-S1 Blu-ray player costs $999.95!
• The porn industry is not happy with the Blu-ray format.
  

Conclusion
If history is any indicator of who will win the battle between these lumbering giants, we can look at the famous war between VHS and Betamax that took place in the early 80s. VHS eventually won, most notably because the adult industry preferred it (and because consumers like their porn). Sony is committing Seppuku by denying the porn industry. If they don't fix this situation soon, they might as well pack up their bags and leave the stadium with their heads hung low.

Ultimately, maybe neither of these formats are very important? The trend is moving toward digital downloads anyway, which might eliminate the advantages of either format.

For now, citing greater access, support by the porn industry, and inexpensive production, I have to side with an obvious format.

Winner: HD DVD

TV: The Apprentice: LA (NBC)

The world's worst toupee is back! This time he's doing his thing in the world's sanitarium: Los Angeles. Though the show has gone all bi-coastal by moving to the west coast, it's essentially the same show, with just a couple of new twists. This time, the losing teams are forced to camp outside, in a tent, with a makeshift shower and camping kitchen. Apparently, the added hardship is supposed to build tension, somehow. Also, the winning team's Project Manager now has the privilege of sitting in the boardroom while the Trump fires someone. These are interesting changes to the show, but I wonder if the new change in the game will be too difficult to overcome for the losing team.

This week's fired Apprentice:

Martin, the eccentric, southern, professor, attorney.

Meanwhile, it's clear that this cat isn't gonna win. Chalk it up to hair envy:


I do wonder if the bad ratings for the Apprentice:LA are due to a lack of interest in the show or because of bad marketing? I am a huge fan and I didn't even know it was on this last Sunday night (9PM, ET/PT). Fortunately for me, I was able to set my DVR to record it when it's broadcast on another channel Monday night. I set up the series recording to keep me on track from here on out. There appear to be some heavy hitters this time around, and the cast consists of plenty of hotness. Can't wait to see the beach challenge.... At least who gets fired that day shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, after Trump gets a view of their nearly naked bodies bikini-clad carcasses.

TV: Shooting Sizemore (VH1)

A few days ago, I happened to stumble upon the debut episode for Shooting Sizemore on VH1.

Like a train wreck, Shooting Sizemore is the pinnacle of voyeurism. Focusing on the fallen, drug-addled celebrity, Tom Sizemore, and his attempt to comeback from drug addiction and legal troubles with his ex-wife, Heidi Fleiss. This is an ultra-slick, documentary-style program that pulls no punches. Obviously stylized to death by Viacom, it fortunately doesn't lose its grit.

Starting on the day Sizemore is released from drug rehab (for Meth and Heroine abuse), we're privy to a ticking time bomb. Tom's agent has hired a tag-along actor to watch his every move (24 hours a day) and otherwise keep him out of trouble. Having lost his home to bankruptcy, Sizemore ends up in a hotel near the Santa Monica pier.

Will his self-imposed sobriety last? Can he recover from his legal woes? Will he make a comeback and reclaim his once-awesome Hollywood career?

This is a show that has a lot at stake, unlike so much other reality fodder out there. One can't help but feel sorry for Sizemore. There's something familiar about him, something that makes you want to help the poor guy out. But there's also something menacing about him, like a dog that's been abused. You can't help but watch to see who gets bitten.

Movie: The Covenant (2006)

Directed by Renny Harling (of The Long Kiss Goodnight and Die Hard 2 fame - yes, I mean that facetiously). Starring a bunch of relative nobodies, this flick looked promising when I picked it up from VideoRama. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

A group of four teenage boys who go by the nickname "The Sons of Ipswitch," possess a long-held secret. They're the descendants of 5 families of witches dating back to the 17th century. They have special powers that have led them to unparalleled levels of popularity among their circle of nubile nymphets. Little do they know, however, that there's a member of the fifth family (thought to have been eliminated during the Salem witch hunt) among them. Not only does this intruder want to take away their power, but he also threatens to usurp their popularity. So it's on!

It's The Lost Boys meets Laguna Beach, meets Powerball Z, and boy does it suck. The sons of Ipswitch all come from old money, while the villain threatens to upset their status quo. I don't know about you, but I'm rooting for the bad guy this time. Those spoiled rich kids need to learn a lesson. If only....

Special Effects are exemplary, featuring a head-on collision between a Mustang and a semi truck. The Mustang disintegrates into thousands of little pieces, only to be re-assembled moments beyond the crash. This, unfortunately, was the high point (aside from one other sequence involving a motorcycle, which I won't spoil for you, even though I should). There just aren't enough visual moments like these to carry the film. The final battle ends up looking like a mangled blue-screen escapade, where two square off in a dark barn and hurl CGI blobs of energy goo at each other. Crude metaphor? Definitely.

The Soundtrack was entertaining, but not much else about this film would withstand more than a cursory analysis.

I actually fell asleep while watching this. And I never fall asleep while I'm watching movies. That attests to just how boring this actually was. If you have 1 hr. 37 minutes to spare, spend it learning how to crochet, because wasting it on The Covenant will make you wish you'd gauged your eyes out with a knitting needle.

Great quotes from Rotten Tomatoes:

• "I think the men were cast more for their abs than their acting."
• "Cleverly takes the lure of illegal drugs and links it to super powers."
• "WB-style homoerotic teen escapism." (Damn, that's cold, but ever so true).
• "Flying scenes, frat-boy face-offs and pyrotechnic punch-ups are punctuated by excruciating expository dialogue."

Sifted: 3/10

Video: Jelly Donut Challenges Lady Sovereign to Rap Battle

Apparently, a rapper who dresses like a big jelly donut challenged Lady Sovereign to a rap battle last week during her San Francisco appearance. She refused, which led to the Jelly Donut leading a vicious chant. From Jason who witnessed the event and commented on PerezHilton.com: "Apparently he wanted to battle her with rhymes and she was'nt having it. She held down her microphone and began arguing with the oversized donut and eventually spat on him. Some of the crowd cheered for her, some of the crowd got pissed. Many people began throwing things towards the stage and spraying drinks and beer at her. She then continued on and gave a great show."

Warning: Boiled Omelet Fad Could Be Toxic.

A number of people have come forth recently with trendy new cooking methods using plastic sandwich bags. For example, you crack a couple of eggs, throw in some veggies, boil it all, and out comes an omelet.

Great idea for camping? Maybe not. It turns out this trick might be carcinogenic.

[Ziploc Omelets may be Toxic]

The Truth About MySpace (NSFW)

Check this out. Hilarious. Sexist, obscene, vulgar, not safe for work ... what's not to love?

[The Truth About MySpace]

Hilarious Verizon Exit Interview

Here's a hilarious document from an employee's exit interview at Verizon. I don't know how real it is, but it's certainly funny.

[Verizon - Resursa de Fun]

Music: Best of Bootie 2006

If you enjoy mashups, this is a must download.

What's a mashup, you ask? To put it simply: a mashup is 2 or more original songs mixed together to form a new (and sometimes better) song. One of the best parts of mashups are the new titles that are born from these evil hybrid matchups. For example: Mixing Oasis and Marvin Gaye results in a song titled "Oasis is Gaye." or one of my favorites from last year's Bootie mix, mixing Billy Joel with Jay-Z results in "Big Shot Pimpin'."

[Best of Bootie 2006]

Game: Throwpaper

Here's a fun, simple, very addictive game. The best score I could get after 5 minutes of play was 8.

[Throw Paper!]

The Lard Wars: What the Trans-Fat ban is Really About

I desperately want to believe the recent ban on trans-fat in New York is due to government finally acquiring a moral compass. I want to believe the ban is due to that city government's concern for its citizens, that the people at the top really do care about our health.

Los Angeles is now considering a trans-fat ban.

Considering the nation's eventual move toward a national Health Plan, it makes complete sense to force a ban on people now. After all, it's okay for you to have a triple bypass when you (or your insurance) are paying for it. But once everyone has a government health plan, guess who benefits from keeping medical costs low?

Maybe I'm just cynical, but here's my timeline of what will eventually take place in The Lard Wars:

• 2007 - 2012: National ban on trans-fat. Warning labels required on food. ID required to purchase Hagen Daz. If someone wants to eat tasty Onion rings, they'll have to buy them in Puerto Vallarta, or Toronto. You can buy them on the Internet, from a dealer in the Philippines, provided you can afford enough Internet access to endure the 10-minute long order process. As a patriotic American, you will be expected to tolerate fried cardboard. "Don't worry, it tastes better with imitation salt and sugar-free, soy ketchup."

• 2008 - 2015: "Unhealthy Food Tax" implemented on all "junk foods." White bread is now considered taboo to eat in public. People who eat sandwiches on white bread with mayonnaise or cheese are referred to as Whiteheads. Can't afford Micky-D's? Well, French Fries are a luxury for the haves, so be thankful you can buy them on payday, when you can afford to splurge a little; don't complain! By now, you usually eat at the Broccoli barn (where there will be no real Velveeta, incidentally) and you like it, because the other option is incarceration.
  
  
• 2009-2015: Universal National Health Care Plan "... for the children," (who will inevitably breed their own back-alley Crisco dealing gangs). 2018: First Trans-Fat related murder, as victim gets shot down in robbery of black-market candybars.
  

• 2010 - 2018: Ban gradually relaxed for the wealthy. If you can afford your own medical procedures, you won't need to pay penalties for extra-tasty foods. If you're on The Plan, you'll be incarcerated for owning a deep-fryer or "suspicious" oils. Thanks to the old Patriot Act, grandma got raided last week. She's in jail for "Trans Paraphernalia," whatever that means....

• 2013: Government-funded Public Service Announcement. "Where did you learn about frying Potatoes in animal fat, Johnny?" "I learned it from watching you, dad, I learned it from watching you!!!"

• 2020: Scientists run new chemical analysis proving long-held hypothesis that Trans-Fat is actually good for you.
  

Apple TV Underhyped

Perhaps more intriguing than the massively hyped iPhone is the release of Apple TV. This is a promising gadget that extends your media from your computer to your TV.

An iPhone is a nice toy, but it doesn't really re-invent the wheel. It's a phone, people! Get over it!

Apple TV, on the other hand, is the true innovation here. It offers viewers the ability to sync all their media between their computers (up to 5) and their TV. The implications of such a device are mindboggling. Every TV show, movie, Mp3, photo, and so on, can be uploaded (wired, or via WiFi) to the Apple TV box, where you can then watch (or listen) on your television. Now think of the fact that this will run you a mere $299. This is clearly an answer to the overbearing cable box that takes a chunk out of your wallet every month. Buy one of these, cut off your oppressive cable (yeah you, Comcast, you thieves), and you can recoup your expenses in a few short months.

My only complaint is the tiny 40 GB drive. Most downloaded movies run about 5 GB, so the Apple TV may be a temporary storage device that only functions to shuttle video, rather than store it. Fortunately, you will also be able to stream media directly from your computers (up to 5 of them), bypassing Apple TV's hard drive entirely.

I've never been a fan of Apple products. Being an avid gamer, I can't conceive of buying a Powerbook and dooming my addiction; but I might have to look more closely at what can be done with Apple TV. Sure, an iPhone will be a nice toy (once I can afford the hefty $499 price for the entry model), but the Apple TV is a killer app that could be more useful to me right now.

Bush Tries Another Fast One

Anyone with half a brain knows Bush's plan to increase troops in Iraq has nothing to do with Iraq at all. Why is Bush being so sneaky about it? It's obvious he's increasing numbers in Iraq to start another ill-conceived war--this time with Iran. Why not just come out and say it? So is this notion to increase troops in Iraq yet another lie to the American people?

Why should we take a chance?

Bring our people home, W! Fight a proxy war with Iran via Israel, if that's what gets your jollies. Better yet, have your friends in the oil industry fund it.

[Bush Pwned]

Game: Flash Element TD

Here's one of the most addictive online Flash games I've played in a while. Place towers to protect you from a trail of monsters. It's easy, it's fun, and it's good.

[Flash Element TD]

Tickle Me Elmo On Fire

Sizzle Me Elmo. What's next? Elmo hanging Saddam style? Twisted, and oh so very funny.

The Scariest Car Accident Ever

Yep, it's pretty scary. Don't worry. No gore.

[MustangWorld]

Video: Paxilback

Put a little Serotonin in it!

Gray Kid parody of Justin Timberlake's Sexyback

The Slanket

According to the website, the Slanket is "a Gigantic fleece blanket with loose, oversized sleeves so you never feel constricted and you have total control of how to use them, while staying toasty ... The slanket is great on a couch, a chair, in a hammock, on your bed or anywhere else you care to take it."

"What the slanket is NOT!!
It is not a poncho!
It is not a Robe!!!!
There is no hole for your head!!!"

Wow, I guess they really don't want us to confuse it with a poncho. Okay, so it's "NOT A ROBE!!!!"

They don't have to be so emphatic about it. Believe me, we'll take their word for it. This actually looks like a cool way to geek out with your laptop while staying under the covers.

[Slanket]

The World's Most Expensive Office Chair

Here's an office chair made by Interstuhl that sells for a mere $65,500. Ottoman included. Gold plated.

Does it even recline? Sheesh.

I hope the fabric is real scratchy or something. Anyone who would throw 65K down for an office chair deserves more than mild discomfort.

Website: FreakyDreams.com

If you've ever had a cryptic dream, now you can find out what it means by entering keywords on this website. So that's what it means to dream about a threesome with Jessica Alba and Adriana Lima....

[FreakyDreams.com]

<---- cool Mandala created by Carl Jung.

Website: MythBusters Results

Results from every MythBusters episode ever made.
Fascinating reading.

[MythBusters Results]

Video: Dad at Comedy Barn

Check out this funny video of a show at the Comedy Barn. The guy's laugh is funnier than the actual comedian.

Giant Impeach Beach Sign

Folks in San Francisco recently braved the chilly beach to form a giant Impeach! sign composed of 100 foot letters. Recently, me and some friends saw a house with a roof decorated by Christmas lights. The message: Impeach W. It was on an angled rooftop, with great visibility to passing motorists (or even airplanes and satellites). Now to time it so it shows up on Google Maps!

[Basetree - Beach Impeach]

Website: Urbis

Writers rejoice. There is now a social site for us! Use Urbis to critique others' writing or upload your stuff to have it reviewed. Build credits by giving people feedback. [Urbis]

Bush Can Now Open Your Mail

Lovely. [KRT Wire]

Positive Proof of Global Warming

Click the link to see for yourself. No one can argue anymore. It's just a fact. [Proof of Global Warming]

TV: The O.C. Cancelled!

Here's a pic of Benjamin McKenzie from The O.C. putting on his acting face to express anger, frustration, surprise, disappointment, elation or boredom. Take your pick.

Seriously, this guy's facial expressions change as often as it rains in the Gobi desert. A furrowed brow does not good acting make, kid.

Apparently, in this pic he just learned his show is getting axed. Go figure.

Smashing Pumpkins Return?

Billy Corgan announces the return of Smashing Pumpkins. [NME.COM]

It will be interesting to see what is produced by Smashing Pumpkins 2.0 -- I mean, other than more vapid, egotistical ranting by Billy Corgan, that is.

Game Review: Tony Hawk: Project 8 (PS2)

First off, they should have titled this game:

Usability Disaster Skating: Punishment 8

I haven't really been into the Tony Hawk franchise of games since, oh, ... college; (I won't date myself by telling you how long ago that was--or the versions of the games I played, for that matter).

Suffice it to say, Neversoft has finally ridden this franchise into an ugly nosedive, ala skateboarding on gravel. It's difficult to say why. Some might say the original audience for the game has mostly outgrown skateboarding. Others could say there are better games being produced these days. Still others would say the franchise has become too difficult to enjoy. I would agree with all those assessments. And to those I would add that the development of this game must have been done without players in mind.

I picked this game up, thinking I would be skateboarding again soon, with a low re-education or re-training time. After all, I had been a decent video game skater back in the day. I should be able to pick it up fairly quickly, ... right?

Thank god I only rented it.

The goal here is to raise your ranking from #200 and get into the top eight. You will, of course, need to hunt down secret tokens, grind many pools, and perform mini-missions to climb the rankings. If you finish enough challenges, you'll be placed in the elite Project 8. If you can get there without smashing your controllers against a wall first, good luck.

Gameplay
The main failure of Tony Hawk is that gameplay has eroded to the size of Nicole Richie's wrists. I haven't skateboarded in years, so I decided to go through the Tutorial portion of the game. Certain elements were simple and straightforward enough. For instance, if you press the X Button, you go forward. Now stay with me. If you release the X button, you "Ollie", or jump. Okay. Simple enough.

Soon I realize I need to press a number of other buttons in various sequences to perform a certain trick while in the air. Not just one button press, mind you, but several, in very quick succession.

Very quickly, Tony Hawk's tutoring becomes a form of very sadistic finger torture.

I was taught I could do a "Manual" trick, that is, a trick on the board while standing relatively still. And this is where the game starts losing all of its charm for me. I finally realize I'm going to be punished, oh so horribly, from here on out. Damn you, Tony Hawk ... damn you.

See, when you perform a "Manual" trick, you go into some weird mode where you need to use the left thumbstick with really quick and subtle movements to maintain your balance. That's not a big deal. But then I'm told I need to press certain buttons AT THE SAME TIME. I'm sorry, I only have two thumbs. Apparently I can't move them fast enough.

The biggest problem with gameplay in Tony Hawk is usability. You will need to learn an entirely new finger language to play this game well. This is challenging, for most people, me included. And I'm fairly dexterous, considering my age. Frankly, I'm not ready to commit to an entirely new pattern set just to ride a video game Skateboard.

While I would prefer a Universal Finger Pattern that could be applied to all games, I also support a call to game developers to provide players with open-ended, configurable control schemes. Let us choose which buttons to push to perform certain tricks. That allows for infinitely more interesting gameplay and even personal styles of skating between players. Clearly, Tony Hawk needs to implement better Role Playing Game elements. I mean, if you're going to make a player choose his skater, and clothes, why not give him the option to choose his skating style as well?

Which brings us to graphics.

Graphics (or 3 Ugly Mugs)

What year is this? 2007, you say? Coulda fooled me with this game. From the start of the Career, we're asked to choose between three skaters. A Skinny White Boy Punk, a pudgy Kid, or a Black dude in baggy clothes. I didn't see any Asians, Hispanic, or female faces. Maybe they don't skate?

Choosing one of those 3 archetypal figures, I'm then allowed to choose between three additional faces. In other words, I can be black (with one of three available faces--oh, apparently one of them is lighter complected, maybe Puerto Rican), a child (with 3 other faces), or a white dude (with three more faces). Why they didn't just give me 9 characters to choose from at the start is perplexing, but maybe there's some hidden mystery here?

Nah, it's just plain stupid design.

There doesn't seem to be any skill difference between any of these characters. No visible advantage to picking one skater over another. I pick one. Simple enough. I deck him out in some typical skater gear and I'm off to Training.

Once I got out of training, having abandoned the notion of ever learning how to properly "Grind, Wally, Grind, Sticker Slap," I started the Career. From the start, you're placed in a very confined gaming space, where you're expected to perform a succession of tricks, all while travelling very fast. This was just too much of a test for me. I'm afraid I'm not commited to learning "Tony Hawkian" on my controller.

There's not much to be said about the AI. You're not really racing opponents in this game, so much as performing tricks and "ollies" over obstacles. See, the multiplayer is nowhere to be found on this version. Sure, you can play split-screen with a buddy, but don't even think about getting some online action going.

Physics are somewhat baffling. I found it more difficult to balance my player in the game than I would have on an actual skateboard! When your player loses his balance, he falls, HARD. So hard he spurts out blood. Unfortunately, this results in having to wait about two seconds while some off screen phantom hurls you a new skateboard so you can re-crack your noggin.

Audio
Sound is adequate. The music is appropriate, but somewhat lame. It's not a racing game, so I don't expect hardcore techno or hip-hop, but I do expect something more upbeat. Maybe some good punk music to go with your punk skater dude. But I specifically recall the music delving a bit into the late-night, after-hours, chill-out room ambiance. Definitely boring for boarding.
Sound effects were okay, but there didn't seem to be much background noise, just the sound of your board screeching over pavement. Kinda boring.

Utilities
Menus were simple to understand. There wasn't much commotion involved with getting around in the game itself.

Problems

• A failure in the gameplay usability department. Too many technical requirements to have an enjoyable skating experience. High learning curve without much payoff.
• Lame level design that will leave you asking why you've been locked in a large skatepark that looks like the suburbs.
  
• What's the point? Whoopee, I pulled a Goofy 180, Vert Ollie, Manual Grind, Wallie, Sticker Slap!
• Fleecing America's youth one last time? For shame, Tony, for shame.

Conclusion
This game sucks. I hope you didn't spend your Christmas money on it. If you enjoy a certain amount of punishment, rent it and flog away.

Sifted: 5/10

What Does 200 Calories Look Like?

Aside from the blatant grammatical error in the title of the site, it's actually quite informative. Great for all you resolution gut busters.

[What Does 200 Calories Look Like?]

Website: Healing Food Reference

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[Healing Food Reference.com]